Car brand stereotypes exist for a reason and that reason is they’re always 100% true. BMW drivers don’t indicate, Mini owners think they’re trendy and Subaru owners live on a pure diet of energy drinks and vape.
You can’t deny facts, which is why we’re creating some more facts to share with you today on who you can expect to be behind the wheel of certain popular car brands. Sit back, enjoy and prepare to have a laugh at your own expense with these totally accurate car stereotypes, backed by ‘extensive research’ that never happened.
Volvo is having a bit of an identity crisis at the moment, with half the customers being cardigan-wearing countryside types and the other half being city folk that have bought a flashy Volvo SUV to drive their kids to and from school.
Much like the Hobbits from Lord of The Rings, the countryside folk are happy to bumble along the countryside, living in their houses in the hills and only leaving their villages when they absolutely must. They’re overly cautious and place a great deal of importance on safety, which is why they drive a Volvo and also why they put winter tyres on in August. They are also extremely proud of their clean driving licence which they acquired back in 1952.
Then, on the other side of this Volvo civil war, we have the SUV school-run parents. They too care about safety but only the safety of their children inside the car, not the safety of anyone outside of their mobile fortress of destruction.
Smart car owners are utterly clueless when it comes to their cars. They just about know where to put the fuel in and for anything outside of that, they will consult their mechanic. Also, despite Smart cars being known for being small and not very powerful, you will often see them being raced around like go karts. This is because they actually weigh less than a go kart.
Smart cars take on a similar role that the chihuahua has in the dog world; they’re smaller than the rest and yet, cause the most aggravation. It’s not unusual to see a Smart Fortwo barking up the back end of a much bigger car that’s already doing above the speed limit.
VW drivers are like extras in films or NPCs in a video game. Having respectable but boring jobs, these default characters seem to just fade into the background as they zip about in their indistinct cars. Because of this, VW drivers are actually very sensible on the road, to the point that you don’t even notice that they’re there. Always doing the speed limit, maintaining a good distance to the car in front and never parked across anyone’s drive.
Well done, VW drivers.
Skoda drivers are always offering their friends lifts and taking them where they need to be. They drive a Skoda because they’re reliable and incredibly efficient, saving them lots of money when filling up.
They spend their weekends hanging out at bars and clubs and in fact, most of their time throughout the week is spent in the car.
Skoda owners also like to decorate their vehicles with personalised plates and a light-up box on their roof that says ‘taxi’. Weird…
Land Rover drivers all went to Eton and spend their weekends either fox hunting or clay pigeon shooting. They all know how to ride horses and can tell the difference between a fake Rolex and real one from a mile off.
On the roads, they can be found in the outside lane holding up traffic. As their passengers tell them to move over they will retort with “but I am doing the speed limit, my chum” and continue to hog the lane.
The ‘p’ in Porsche stands for ‘proud’ – a word that best describes their owners. If you know someone who owns a Porsche then you’ll already know just how precious they are with their beloved sports car. Inside each Porsche is a passenger manual that has a set of rules you must follow whilst sitting in a Porsche. No muddy shoes, don’t touch anything, do not slam the door shut, don’t touch the paint, don’t breathe too hard etc.
It’s an established fact that Porsche owners actually spend more time looking at their car and cleaning it than they do behind the wheel. It’s also well known that they’re one of the most reliable sports cars around, which is due to the fact that they’re only driven once per month with a similar pace as a hearse.
Let us know just how totally accurate our assumptions are in the comments!
If you enjoyed this, you can check out the first installation of totally accurate stereotypes here.
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