‘Mercedes owners look in the mirror too much’ and more assumptions that are 100% true
We all like to have a good laugh about other people’s cars, but can you handle it if you’re being laughed at? It’s time to start taking yourself less seriously and have a laugh at your own expense.
Well, whether you want it or not, we’re going to be pointing the finger at a bunch of car brands and applying their totally accurate stereotypes to them, thus confirming the kind of person you are if you drive one. Prepare to be judged.
Let’s start off with an easy one. If you drive a Ford, you’ve probably stolen someone’s parking space before, even though they were clearly indicating for it. Ford drivers, even if they’re driving a Focus or Fiesta, drive as though they’re driving a van. This is because the cheap plastic interiors are designed to psychologically trick drivers into believing that they are actually in a Transit and that their car should be driven with the same dominance and arrogance that is exhibited in van drivers.
Out of all the brands on this list, you’re most likely to be a vegan if you own a Mini. This is not according to any real research, but it is true. Mini owners like to listen to music at home on a record player because it apparently has ‘deeper waveforms’ and ‘richer tones’ but actually, they just prefer vinyl because it’s edgier.
It is also a known fact that Mini drivers are the most likely to lie about having whiplash in the event of a car accident, because even though they think they’re a good human being, they will still betray anyone for some easy insurance money.
Vauxhall owners kept the French flag filter on their Facebook profile picture for 3 years after the Paris attacks. This may sound like they were being extra supportive but the truth is, the only thing they know about the event is what they read about it on Daily Mail Online.
Vauxhall owners also own at least one Staffy and hate cats because they don’t have the mental capacity to love an animal that doesn’t need its poop picked up after them.
People that drive a Subaru still think that it’s acceptable to wear a snapback. They survive on a diet of energy drinks and any food they can buy from their local convenience shop, usually crisps.
Subaru owners all wave to each other because they know that no one else on the road can relate to driving something so awful. Their favourite artist is Skrillex and their favourite pastime is learning new vape tricks.
BMW drivers obtained their driving licenses by buying it from the black market. The only truthful thing on their insurance policy are their mother’s details who has been added on as a named driver to bring the astronomical premium price down.
It is true that BMW drivers do not indicate. This is not because they are arrogant or poor drivers, but rather because they have given up trying to master the absolutely useless BMW indicator stalks. And also because they’re arrogant and poor drivers.
Audi drivers are high earners, but hate their jobs. They make up for this by going on holiday to locations like Magaluf and Ayia Napa, even though they’re approaching 40 years old.
Those who own an Audi also like to start fights at nightclubs and act tough in front of bouncers when their friends are around. This behaviour is most prominent during the winter when they wear nothing but tight-fitting polo shirts with a pair of skinny jeans and must pick fights to keep warm.
Mercedes owners spend at least 4 hours on Instagram each day and are known to photoshop their own photos for better jawlines, slimmer figures and whiter teeth. However, whiter teeth usually isn’t a problem for Mercedes drivers as they have already been to Thailand to get cheap veneers.
Mercedes owners can be sorted into two categories. Those that own a Rolex and those that haven’t finished the finance application form yet.
Jag drivers are almost always British and somewhere around the retirement age. Even though they’re as British as they come, Jag owners can often be found talking about Donald Trump at parties and gatherings for some reason, speaking about his ‘charisma’ and ‘gutsy opinions’.
Jaguar owners service their car yearly and love to top up their oil and screenwash regularly. They love to take care of their beloved Jag, which is why they will always drive 10 mph under the speed limit, just to make sure the abrasive air doesn’t hit the paint too harshly.
Land Rover’s Range Rover
Range Rovers are large, luxurious and expensive. This, therefore entitles the owners to a greater share of the road and also gives them the right to park wherever they want. Even though they have been engineered to be able to conquer some of the toughest terrains, the only off-roading owners will ever do is driving up a slightly muddy track to get to their pheasant hunting grounds.
Range Rover drivers may act like king and queen of the road, but little do they know the Honda Civic that they are tailgating is worth more than their used Evoque that they got on finance.
That’s all we have time for today but be sure to subscribe to our mailing list for when part 2 comes out!
Tell us your favourite stereotype in the comments!
For more articles like this, receive our weekly e-newsletter, including partner deals and all things motoring, register your email below.