A lot of time, effort and money goes into every single new car that goes on sale in the UK. Regardless of how great or awful the finished product that ends up in showrooms is, hundreds if not thousands of people have worked hard to get it there.
But for every Focus RS and Jaguar F-Pace – the recent winner of 2017’s World Car of the Year award, there will be a straight-up dud – an unlovable lump of motorised garbage that serves as the antithesis to motoring enjoyment.
Car critics love nothing more than to lay into these awful automobiles with a scathing takedown parading as a review, so we’ve scoured the interwebs for the nastiest car reviews out there.
Chrysler Sebring Convertible – written by Jeremy Clarkson for the Sunday Times
We’ll start with ol’ Jezza – one of the leading names when it comes to unnecessary cruelty towards cars – and damning reviews don’t get much more straightforward than ‘the worst car in the entire world’.
In his review of the drop-top Chrysler Sebring for the Sunday Times, the former Top Gear man wrote: “Many people imagine when they rent a convertible in America that they’ll be thumping down Highway 1 under a blazing sky in a throbbing Corvette or an evocative Mustang. Sadly, however, most tourists end up with a Chrysler Sebring convertible, which is almost certainly the worst car in the entire world.”
Don’t sugar the pill, Jeremy.
We shouldn’t be surprised though, JC has previous of pouring scorn on Chrysler after likening the 2003 Chrysler Crossfire’s appearance to that of ‘a dog taking a dump’.
Mitsubishi Mirage – John Pearley Huffman, New York Times
John Pearley Huffman of the New York Times isn’t a fan either, writing: “Low expectations don’t guarantee happiness, but at least there isn’t much disappointment. The reborn Mitsubishi Mirage lowers expectations, strangles them and buries their remains in a deep unmarked grave. If this car wasn’t disappointing, it wouldn’t be anything at all.”
We couldn’t agree more, John!
Chrysler 200C – Scott Burgess, The Detroit Times
Here’s another Chrysler, not because we’re picking on them but because they’re not very good and critics have no problem making funnies when laying into the American brand’s sub-standard output.
Scott Burgess’ account of the 200C was so scathing that it upset some of the sponsors at the Detroit Times, resulting in a hasty and thorough edit, which led to Burgess’ resignation from the paper.
Here’s a taster why: “No number of LEDs can hide a profile that looks like a loggerhead turtle. If this car came in tortoise shell, the US Environmental Protection Agency would have to put it on the endangered sedan list to prevent trappers and automotive enthusiasts from rightfully shooting it into extinction.”
2007 Dodge Caliber – Top Gear Magazine
Not strictly a review but during its list of the 13 worst cars in the last 20 years, Top Gear described the Caliber as “kind of like Kid Rock in car form, although marginally less annoying”. ‘Marginally’ is the key word there.
1996 Vauxhall Vectra – Jeremy Clarkson – Top Gear
You know a car is in trouble when people actively try to avoid talking about it or even drive it at all, which is exactly what Jeremy Clarkson did during a six-minute segment for Top Gear in 1996.
After being strong armed into taking the replacement to the Cavalier for a spin, he said that assessing it in TG’s regular setting was “like trying to road test a microwave oven” and instead invited a group of travelling sales reps to give their views at a motorway services.
Watch the full clip here:
On a similar note, the 2003 CityRover was so bad that MG Rover refused to lend a test model to Top Gear to review. This meant James May had to go undercover with a hidden camera. His verdict? “The worst car I have driven on this programme”.