Every man, woman and child knows that Santa’s preferred mode of transport is airborne reindeer. With so many homes and countries to visit in a single night, there simply isn’t a single car that would be quite as effective.
But what if his reindeer felt like they were getting a bum deal? Employees at many organisations across the UK have gone on strike this Christmas. What if Rudolph and co. did the same and took industrial action? What then? A stranded Santa would have to consider other ways of delivering presents to all the girls and boys.
If the big man was left with little option but to hit up his local car dealer, which make and model should he go for? It’s a unique dilemma, but here are our suggestions.
Dashing through the snow
With billions of homes to visit, Santa Baby is going to need something rapid, so maybe a Lamborghini Aventador or BAC Mono would be suitable.
Both cars can complete the benchmark nought to 62mph sprint in just 2.8 seconds, which makes them the nippiest cars you can buy right now.
That’s just getting up to 62mph though. Regarding top speed however, there are cars that are much faster. The Aventador tops out at 218mph, while the Mono can’t go any faster than a wimpy 170mph.
If Santa needed something with undiluted raw speed, he’d want to consider the Bugatti Chiron, which has a top speed of 288mph. There’s also the 270mph Hennessey Venom GT or Bugatti Veyron Super Speed with 268mph.
Presents need practicality
But speed isn’t everything. These cars may be lightning quick, but with so many presents to deliver, Santa is going something with a hefty wallop of practicality and boot space.
That makes the Mercedes-Benz E-Class a good call. The estate variant of Merc’s classy executive saloon offers more boot capacity than any of its rivals – a whopping 640 litres that expands to 1,820 litres with the back seats folded down.
Santa would be sure to appreciate the E-Class’ plush, premium interior and high level of refinement. In its most powerful variant – the nine-speed automatic E 43 AMG – it can reach 62mph from a standstill in 4.6 seconds too, so it can certainly shift.
The E-Class isn’t the outright king of load-lugging estates, though. That title goes to the Skoda Superb Estate with 1,950 litres. Phwoar!
However, much snobbery still surrounds the Czech brand, despite it having been reinvented beyond recognition under VW ownership. Some people just can’t bring themselves to drive a Skoda, even if they know it’s essentially a rebadged Volkswagen.
If Father Christmas was one of these badge snobs and he insisted on driving a Merc but needed the maximum storage space, then the G-Class offers a monstrous 2,250 litres.
That said, the G-Wagon’s bold, bolshie exterior would probably scare the kids witless. Again, its most potent iteration – the G63 AMG – can do 0-62mph in 5.4 seconds, which for a car this size and weight is impressive.
Santa the white van man?
With so much storage space required, we’re reaching a point now where it would be simpler if Santa just hired a van, but a bog-standard Transit wouldn’t be sufficient; he’d need Supervan!
The original Ford Supervan from 1971 saw the shell of a regular Transit lifted on to the chassis of a GT40 and fitted with a 400bhp Ford V8. The result was a van with a top speed of around 150mph, which for the early 70s was mindblowing.
The 174mph 500bhp Supervan 2 followed in 1984 before it was rebuilt as Supervan 3 with 730bhp ten years later.
So there you have it. If you’re reading this, Santa, we hope your reindeer never feel disgruntled enough to go on strike, but if they do, at least you have a vague idea of what’s out there.
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