5 cars we’d like to throw on a bonfire

The start of November is a time of the year when masses of people gather to burn things and release airborne explosives into the night sky.

Bonfires are usually fueled by old bits of wood and bank statements, but we’d rather see these cruddy cars frazzle to dust this November 5th instead.

Disclaimer: before we start, perhaps it’s best to clarify that we’re not actively encouraging you to torch these apparently inadequate automobiles. Some people actually like them. This is just a bit of fun. Don’t be illegal.

Fiat Multipla

Almost 20 years have gone by and and we still don’t know what’s going on with that front-end. Fiat’s awkward compact MPV won the title of Top Gear’s ugliest car in 1999 while the Telegraph likened it to ‘a psychotic cartoon duck’.

They say what really matters is what’s under the skin and inside, the Multipla was fantastically practical with a clever seating arrangement. It had two rows of three seats (how many six-seaters can you name?) and the middle seat could be folded flat to double-up as a table.

Still, there is no forgiving its hideousness, so onto the fiery mound it must go!

Any VW Harlequin Polo or Golf

Say hi to the automotive equivalent of Frankenstein’s monster.

These Harlequin models were created by swapping the body panels of four different coloured models. Thankfully, there aren’t many knocking about because only a few hundred of these special edition models were made for the Polo and Golf ranges.

Suzuki Wagon R+

There’s a reason why cars tend to be wider than they are taller: corners. Consequently, the Wagon R+ looks as if it would tip over if it hit a mini roundabout at the right speed and angle.

Is it a supermini? Is it an MPV? It’s both and neither. It’s hilarious yet tragic because it’s rubbish at being both those things and therefore must be put on the bonfire!

Mitsubishi Mirage

A car so comprehensively rubbish that it attracts ridicule like flies to week-old Shredded Wheat.

Top Gear magazine slammed it as “truly, profoundly terrible”, while The Guardian likened the handling to that of “a bloody jellyfish”.

It has the driving dynamics of a wooden horse, a naff interior, a noisy and harsh ride, yet Mitsubishi still has the cheek to ask in excess of £11,000 for the privilege? No thanks. Into the flames you go…

Chrysler PT Cruiser

We gave the PT Cruiser a ravaging in our Halloween cars feature last week and it’s going to get another ribbing here.

The exterior is the unfortunate outcome of what happens when car designers try to reimagine what many consider to be a classic getaway car used by the old American gangsters. The end result was a tacky unsightly mess that broke down a lot. Bonfire fodder.